A light at the end of the tunnel :)

So I've been pretty down lately... I hate being down. My last post was quite depressing, sorry about that. 

Today was fabulous! It started with my 9 am doctors appointment. At 9 I got my x-ray, the techs were very impressed with me. They didn't have to position me at all and I didn't wear any metal so I didn't have to change. They told me they can tell I've done this before and they're not sure if that's a good thing or bad thing :) haha I figure you gotta stick with what your good at. After I got my x-ray I went in for the doc to check it out. He was super impressed with how quickly I'm healing. I guess there is something to be said for a 20 year old instead of a 60 year old having this surgery. :) The doc originally said I could drive after 45 days but today 25 days into the surgery he released me to drive!!! He also told me that in two more months I can go in and get x-rayed again and baring something horrible happening I get to ditch this awful brace and start swim therapy! Then about a month after that I do normal therapy then I'm done with this whole mess!!! yay! The doc also said I can go back to work as long as I have someone doing my BLT's (bending, lifting, twisting) 

I'm pretty excited for Friday. I'm going to California with Grandma, Grandpa, and Alyson's family. We're going to some cool town, a cool cave, and a castle. haha I'm just excited to get out of St. George. It's gonna be a long car ride but it should be pretty fun! :)

So Josie has been teaching me piano! I freakin love it!!! Gah! I just want to go and practice all the time! I'm not as good when she's watching me but whatev. I just wanna learn to play some hymns and hopefully I go somewhere on my mission that it will be useful. :)

Speaking of missions. I've gotten a few letters lately that have really made me happy. David's letters always brighten my day, and he's pretty good at writing me back. I also recently got one from Josh... his have me hysterically laughing. I love both these kids! My friend CJ just messaged me on Facebook (I'm pretty sure he's not supposed to be on that but oh well it's his choice) anyways he told me to write him and promised that he would write me back haha. He was pretty flirty with me too, which was extremely weird. 

So see when I step back and look at things my life really isn't too bad and the worst of this surgery is over. I know that my Father in Heaven loves me and that I can make it through anything that is dished out to me. If I keep my head up and go through my trials trying to say positive than it will be much easier on me.

I love life and the wonderful friends and family that I have! :)

Well then... aint life just peachy

   I need you to hold me and tell me everything is going to be alright...

   So two months ago I started having the same pain in my leg that I had when I was 15. When I was 15 this pain resulted in major back surgery (which is quite uncommon for someone of that age). I got an MRI two months ago and just went yesterday to see the back specialist. He immediately informed me that I was going to need to have emergency surgery and fuse two sections of vertebrae. This means they also are going to be taking a bone graft from my pelvic bone... ouch. I held it together until I made it out of the doctors office and the instant I made it into my car I started bawling. Not just a little cry, but uncontrollable sobbing. I didn't/don't understand why this is happening to me... again. I read my scriptures, say my prayers, brush my teeth, strive really hard to do what is right, and I even stopped school for this semester so I could work full time and earn money for my mission. Due to all the pre-operation stuff my bank account is now... empty. It was a 2,500 down payment just so they could schedule my surgery. To top it all off, I'm out of work for at least three months and for the next six months I cannot bend, lift, or twist.

   My parents said before I quit school that they wanted to help me pay for my mission but I always wanted to pay for it myself.... now they not only have a mission to pay for but a surgery. This isn't just some cheapo same day surgery but I will be in the hospital a minimum of three days... I have wonderful grandparents who said they are going to set aside money for my mission to help me out and honestly it makes me cry just thinking about it. I know how much love my family has for me and it means so much. I have an aunt who my mom said is setting up a fast for our family to help us get through this trial... this is going to be much needed because I'm already emotionally exhausted and I haven't even been stuck at home for three months yet...

   Pretty much I am completely disheartened. I miss my best friend and want him here to hold me and tell me everything is going to be alright. I crave his company too much...

   I just keep telling myself that there is something that I need to learn from this, there is some lesson that I should take from this. My parents keep telling me that the lesson I need to learn is to accept help from others and not try to do everything myself. I'm not too sure this is the lesson... I don't understand why it is a bad thing that I want to pay for my mission myself...

   Sorry I know I try to stay positive all the time but this... this is just too much, I know I will make it through this... I just don't know how.

Road Trip

   This past weekend I went down to Boulder City with Josie Garff. I just love road trips with her! We talk, sing, and go crazy! In Boulder City we did a lot of the same types of things too. I played lots of games, danced(a lot), sang a ton, and hung out with random people a little.

   I loved it! Though I'm 95% sure that I could never live down there. I would get in WAY too much trouble. I wasn't tempted even slightly to do bad stuff but my music choices weren't so hot and the things that went on in conversations I was a part of weren't so good all the time. I mean nothing like I need to repent of it or anything, but just not stuff that brings the spirit. haha anyways... after that little ramble. Let's just say I was seriously ready to head home and go to mission prep. I needed spiritual upliftment. :)

   I am loving mission prep right now! Seriously, I feel the spirit so strong in there and it makes me feel way less overwhelmed about me going on a mission in September. There was also a CES fireside by Elder D. Todd Christofferson, and it was super good. I was really glad I stayed. I am loving my scriptural habits right now, they honestly make me a happier person.

   I pretty much have no life right now. The sad thing is I'm kind of alright with it. I mean besides tonight, I go to bed really early and my body wakes me up before my alarm goes off which is super nice. Some nights, not very often, I get texts asking if I do want to do something and normally I really would just rather stay home. I mean if I get invited I normally always go and enjoy myself but I don't feel bad in the slightest when I don't get invited anywhere. Is that pathetic or what?

   My influx of letters has subsided. :( This actually does make me really sad and lonely. Ever since I was 16 and got my cell phone I have had tons of guy friends to text/talk to. Nothing ever romantic or anything but just that I could talk to(I mean I've only ever kissed 2 guys). Ever since all of my guy friends turned 19 they all left. There is seriously no one left (who is a guy) that I can talk to. It is depressing. I cannot wait until I'm out on a mission so that I will be busy and not at home thinking about receiving letters back. It is honestly so heartbreaking everyday when I go to the mailbox and the only mail I get is bills. Luckily I still get to read the emails of a few of my friends so at least I get to know what's going on with them, even if it's not direct conversation with me. I know that me wanting letters back is extremely selfish because these boys are out serving the Lord and obviously doing it well because they are so busy. I need to just chill and be grateful for what they're out doing.

   I have my back appointment on the 17th, and I am honestly so nervous about it. I don't know what he's going to say about it... I hope whatever it is I can get back to doing Zumba soon... I really miss it! I hate not being able to exercise...

   Oh! When I was in boulder I played this game on the Wii called Just Dance, I'm pretty much in love with it. I'm pretty sure I'm buying it... like tomorrow.

   Well sorry this post is mostly sad... ttfn

hm...

Life is interesting right now. I'm loving work, but that's pretty much all I do. I don't feel like I have much enjoyment, unless you count late nights playing wii with Haven, Blee, and Wyatt(who I'm pretty sure hates me, Wyatt, not Blee and Haven). I love my post high job though. I feel so included and more grown up because instead of the high school cold stone drama it's grown up stuff. I really like it. The ladies I work with are really neat people. I seriously LOVE that job. I'm at the cold stone job right now and I'm kinda bored... I left my phone at home, and the sad thing is it probably doesn't even matter that much because I doubt I will have missed anything.

I went looking for smarties today walmart and the dollar store... no such luck. Who doesn't have smarties?

I can't wait for tomorrow. JoG and I are going up to SLC to chill for the weekend. We're staying with Shybree at her apartment and then going to see Jeremy's parkour competition. I need a road trip... especially with Josie.

My influx of letters is subsiding... and it makes me sad. I still write just as many letters but don't get so many back.

I can't wait to go on my mish. September will NOT come soon enough.

ttfn

Four Minutes Six Seconds

Today was great. Work was enjoyable, I love that job. The students keep me smiling and I love the other para's I work with. After work I went and gave blood! For those who may not know me very well (not that anyone really reads this anyway haha) anyways I love giving blood! It is honestly one of my favorite things to do ever! I always race my previous time. Today when I went in they gave me a pin because I've officially donated over a gallon of my blood total now. Cool huh? I also had drank so much that when they poked my arm to start me I squirted the wall... kinda gross but super funny! I also beat my old time of 4:13 with a time of 4:06! Super cool!

After that I went to Walmart with mom and Emily. The little ones are going home soon and it makes me happy for them, but sad because I will miss them a lot. They bring such a fun atmosphere to our home. When we left Walmart I gave Em a ride home on my scooter and it made me happy to see how ecstatic she got over that little thing. Made me feel good.

We made dinner and ate as a family, which I love doing but don't think we do nearly enough. At 9 when brownie finally got home we decorated the tree. I had a ton of fun because I wanted to put the angel on top and coolidge wanted to race me to it just to tease me and we ended up literally ended up wrestling over this angel. haha super fun!

After the tree I went over to Haven's and watched How I Met Your Mother with Haven and Blee. That show is super good, love it!

As soon as my laundry get's done I will get to finally go to bed, it's only 2:30 ;) why would I want to be in bed? haha

I love good days.

I love life.
:)

Thankful

Well lately I've been in kinda a bad mood. Not intentionally but I have so I decided to take a minute and just list everything I'm thankful for.

A functioning body, a mind that allows me to process things, my wonderful family who loves me unconditionally even when I'm being kind of a brat, Some friends who love me no matter how annoying I am, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and the direction and happiness it gives me in my life, A loving father in heaven who I can talk to about anything and everything, my foster siblings who put up with my annoying personality and who are just so fun to hang out with, the fact that I have three wonderful jobs, the students and their sweet spirits that keep me laughing the entire time I'm there, a wonderful manager a cold stone, my scooter which may be freezing but it gets me places cheap, my hefty body because then I have enough food to eat, my wonderful bed, a cell phone which may frustrate me at times but in the end is a wonderful thing to have, two beautiful sisters who I learn from every day, two amazing brothers who would do anything for me and make sure that no one ever messes with me, That I live in America honestly I love this place, that I've had the opportunity to travel so many wonderful places, that I know the Tomlinsons, missionaries, letters, mailmen, books, chocolate, milk, water, fruits, vegetables, smiles, laughing, music, boys, cuddling, movies, scuba diving, my grandparents, my uncles, my aunts, sports, hikes, games, the temple, the temple visitors center, zumba, doctors who went to med school, teachers, the ability to learn and progress, modern day prophets and apostles, bishops, the atonement, the Christmas season, last but not least I am thankful for the person I am, my morals and what I stand for.

"The people who do not dance are the dead."

Today was good, yesterday was better :) Yesterday I worked at cold stone and two hours before I got off I got a text saying I got mail :) Instantly I knew it was the one I had  been waiting for... I mean I completely enjoy my weekly letters I get from another Elder... but I was specificially waiting for this letter, and honestly it made my week :) Not only did I get to read it but then I get to write back which I also love :) That's not even what made my day so good! Sarah and I went and worked out for like an hour and a half and then we went to an hour of ZUMBA! I am so freakin in love with zumba, you don't even know. It's a class where you get to go and just shake it, and move it!

I don't know that i've mentioned this before but I absolutly love my school district job. Those students keep me laughing from the time I walk in the door to the time they all go home. Today was so fun, the girls I had today were totally into just dancing and moving. So fun! Dancing just makes everyone in a good mood... seriously. Find me one person who doesn't like to dance... I mean there are those who say they don't but secretly they do they're just embarrassed to dance infront of people but I'm sure they have secret dance parties in their room. :)

Ps. Haven and I did part of a puzzle tonight... I love puzzles :)