I need you to hold me and tell me everything is going to be alright...
So two months ago I started having the same pain in my leg that I had when I was 15. When I was 15 this pain resulted in major back surgery (which is quite uncommon for someone of that age). I got an MRI two months ago and just went yesterday to see the back specialist. He immediately informed me that I was going to need to have emergency surgery and fuse two sections of vertebrae. This means they also are going to be taking a bone graft from my pelvic bone... ouch. I held it together until I made it out of the doctors office and the instant I made it into my car I started bawling. Not just a little cry, but uncontrollable sobbing. I didn't/don't understand why this is happening to me... again. I read my scriptures, say my prayers, brush my teeth, strive really hard to do what is right, and I even stopped school for this semester so I could work full time and earn money for my mission. Due to all the pre-operation stuff my bank account is now... empty. It was a 2,500 down payment just so they could schedule my surgery. To top it all off, I'm out of work for at least three months and for the next six months I cannot bend, lift, or twist.
My parents said before I quit school that they wanted to help me pay for my mission but I always wanted to pay for it myself.... now they not only have a mission to pay for but a surgery. This isn't just some cheapo same day surgery but I will be in the hospital a minimum of three days... I have wonderful grandparents who said they are going to set aside money for my mission to help me out and honestly it makes me cry just thinking about it. I know how much love my family has for me and it means so much. I have an aunt who my mom said is setting up a fast for our family to help us get through this trial... this is going to be much needed because I'm already emotionally exhausted and I haven't even been stuck at home for three months yet...
Pretty much I am completely disheartened. I miss my best friend and want him here to hold me and tell me everything is going to be alright. I crave his company too much...
I just keep telling myself that there is something that I need to learn from this, there is some lesson that I should take from this. My parents keep telling me that the lesson I need to learn is to accept help from others and not try to do everything myself. I'm not too sure this is the lesson... I don't understand why it is a bad thing that I want to pay for my mission myself...
Sorry I know I try to stay positive all the time but this... this is just too much, I know I will make it through this... I just don't know how.
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